Smoking Again When My Mother Died
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When a 17-year-old family member died from cystic fibrosis, I knew I had to stop intentionally damaging my lungs.
Growing up, my parents and older brothers all smoked. Being a child of the 80s, it was normal for the adults to be smoking inside and during trips in the car. There just wasn't the same awareness of the dangers of second-hand smoke exposure that there is today. I remember the day that I started smoking. I was 11. I was trying to impress one of the "bad boys" at school. I stole tobacco from my father and rather clumsily rolled two cigarettes that I took to school with me. Smoking gave me a sense of autonomy and choice over my own life, and at 11 years old it was the ultimate act of rebellion. READ MORE: Soon I was taking cigarettes from my dad's packets on a regular basis. I knew he never started counting them until he had less than half a pack left, so I was often able to take two or three without it being noticed. After a while I started getting caught smoking at school on a regular basis. My parents struck a deal with me: if I stopped smoking at school, they would purchase a 30g pouch of tobacco for me to smoke at home. This was perhaps a misguided attempt to keep me out of trouble, and ultimately cemented my future as a smoker. I jumped at the idea, and simply got smarter about smoking at school. I smoked right through my teens and early 20s, spending thousands of dollars on cigarettes, forgoing food and other necessities to ensure I had my fix. I tried many methods to quit: hypnosis, Allen Carr's Easy Way, patches and going cold turkey. Each time I would always succumb to the cravings and go back to smoking. I quit for nine months once, only to fall off the wagon after the Christchurch earthquake. I have always had a love-hate relationship with cigarettes. On the one hand, they were a friend to me when I had no other, one constant in my life I could rely on. On the other hand, I despised being dependent on something that was going to kill me. I grew concerned about the effect my smoking would have on my children and I felt guilty prioritising cigarettes over other things that could have benefited my family. It is with great shame that I admit that I continued smoking even after having a daughter born with cystic fibrosis. My daughter fights every day to breath - and here I was intentionally causing damage to my lungs. The turning point for me was an incredibly painful experience. Last June a family member died after a long battle with cystic fibrosis. She was 17, a strong and stoic fighter right to the end. A cruel twist of fate robbed her of the long life that she so richly deserved. I continued smoking for five weeks after her death. I was filled with self-loathing and overwhelming worry for my daughter's future. Around this time in my life, I was seeing a counsellor, and she had a vape. I practised a little with hers, then purchased my own. Over the course of couple of weeks, I noticed the number of cigarettes I was smoking was decreasing. I set myself little goals, such as only taking my vape when I went out. I wrote down every cigarette I had, and the associated triggers for that particular cigarette. The first day that I counted 15 cigarettes. This was approximately half of what I would usually smoke. By day 12 of counting, I was down to two. The next day, one. I had my last cigarette on the July 14 2016. After 20 years as a smoker, I was free. Choosing to vape was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I have been smoke-free for eight and a half months and now I find even the smell of cigarettes revolting. To anyone wanting to cut down or quit, all I can say is give vaping a go! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
* 'I have saved $14k since quitting smoking'
*Vaping saved my life
*My daughter gave me the will to quit smoking
*Mind over matter to quit smoking 
Source: https://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff-nation/17943625/After-a-family-member-died-I-had-to-quit-smoking
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